Serenity or something like it...

Sitting at my desk at work, I am thinking about how lucky I am that I have a window seat now and can look out of the window and watch the lake rippling. It truly is serene. Makes you forget about being annoyed because you missed breakfast. I know it is said all the time but life is too short to spend it dwelling on the negative. So why is it that we spend so much time of our lives being annoyed? Why can't we see the positive in everything? Why do we waste time quibbling over ridiculous things? 

I really don't have the answer to this one. I do know that I find myself wanting to sometimes rip my own hair out in frustration but for the life of me cannot figure out why. I have no reason for this so I will from this point forward make a conscious effort to not be annoyed all the time and to appreciate what and who I have in my life. 

I mean how can you be grumpy when Little Bunny Foo Foo is hopping across the lawn in front of your window??

A new low

Cycling home today I had to pass another cyclist on a narrow bit of the path. Now I've adapted to living in England quite well in my opinion and have learned that when you pass each other you pass on the right of the other person not the left. Apparently this kid didn't feel that applied to him and insisted on passing me on the left. As I voiced my disdain for this manoeuvre and stated that perhaps he should try the other side next time, he promptly turned around and 'What? You fat c...'.

At that moment I realized that the rest of the world does not see my charming personality or my great sense of humour. They see a fat person. Yes, the moment these words were exchanged probably could have gone better but it does not shadow the fact that I was called fat to my face (well actually my back because I was pedaling away). It hurt not because he called me fat (I call me fat all the time) but because he said it in such a hateful way that made it sound derogatory, like calling someone an asshole. 

So now that I have reached this new low, I am more determined than ever to change that. I am not going to let some kid hurt me like that. Off to the gym I go...

Cold & common sense

It's still winter. Contrary to what some may think it is indeed still winter. So then why is it that when I find myself bundled up to the tip of my nose, I see young girls walking around with no coat on??? I don't know where they got the idea that shivering and suffering from hypothermia is cute. It's not. Trust me.
Then I sit to wait for the train and next to me is this quasi-hippie wearing flip flops. However, he seems to have some notion that it's cold because the only part of his feet exposed are his toes. The rest is covered by his jeans. Smart man.
What is it that compels humans to bare nearly all when winter is upon us? Do we as humans feel that somehow we are impervious to cold? Since when are we superhuman? Last time I checked, frostbite and hypothermia are very real conditions and neither is comfortable. Or do I just not understand because I myself am more of a tropical person and prefer the warmth of the sun? And before anyone asks why I then decided to move to a country where the sun has to think about whether or not she wants to come out and play, I did it because in spite of the weather, it's beautiful here and well it's where my husband lives.
I suppose common sense flies out of the window when you're trying to be cool.

Broody

Yes. I am going to go ahead and admit it. I'm broody. I see pictures of my friends kids and I find that I am jealous. I too want a small bundle of joy & frustration that I can share with the world. When will it be my turn? When will I have the chance to proudly show off the latest antics of my uber-adorable child?
I'm hoping that this year is the year that I get that chance. After all that biological clock that I've been steadfastly ignoring for the last decade is ticking more loudly than ever now.

Turning 40

Turning 40 feels just like turning 30.

I'm a year older and wiser. Or so they say. I will admit that I am older. To say I'm wiser would be presumptuous.

I am looking forward to being 40. I've often wondered what all the fuss is about. So far it's been great. I've been spoiled by my husband and my friends. Anyone would love that.

And then I was in the car this morning on the way to the rail station (I'm a commuter now!) and turned on the radio in an attempt to get a Rihanna song out of my head (it didn't work, the phrase 'chains and whips excite me' is still in there...) and caught the tail end of With or Without You. I loved that song when it first aired on the radio and I still love now. In fact that album was on of my favorites. Then the dj had to announce that the song came out 24 years ago! 24 YEARS???? It can't have been that long! Can it? It's not possible because I'm only...oh wait, that's right. I'm 40.

That's when reality sunk in and I finally gave in to the fact that I am indeed no longer in my 20s or 30s. But I refuse to accept that I am old. Old is a term reserved for bread that's been sitting out past it's sell by date. Old is a tree that has been around since dinosaurs walked the earth. 40 is by no means old. I will never be old. I may age (and I hope gracefully) and I may even wrinkle a bit (genetics prevent me from being wrinkled now) but I will NEVER be old.

So for those people who think that 40 is old, I say pphhhllppptttt!!!!! This spring chicken has some life left and I plan on enjoying it.

A good cry

Sometimes you just need a good cry. The kind of cry that you do when you're alone and no one can hear you. It's cleansing. It's freeing. And it puts life back into perspective. I had one of those today and it's been a while. I feel much better now, lighter. I feel like I can go on and face whatever is next.

There really is nothing like a good cry.

Are you pregnant?

No I'm not.

Why does that have to be the first question someone asks when you're having a bit of a moan about something that bugs you? No I'm not pregnant, I'm just irritated. Is that ok with you? What if I had said yes? Would that then explain everything? Would you then knowingly nod and say 'Ah yes, that must be it...'. Perhaps the next time someone asks me that question, I will answer yes just to see what the response will be. 

And on that note...what is people's obsession with wanting to know when I am going to pro-create? Is it not enough that I got married at all? Must I now submit to the age-old tradition of squeezing a small Winston Churchill-like being out of my womb? Don't get me wrong. I want small humans. But in my own time. When I'm good and ready. And if for some reason my timer goes off before having spawned, then so be it. There are always other options. Always. 

I was never one of those women who listened to her biological clock ticking away, fretting over not having a bun in the oven before time runs out. My attitude has always been if it's meant to be, it will happen. But I get so tired of explaining this to people over and over. Most people don't understand my attitude. They assume, you're married now, why don't you have children??? I ask only one thing. Leave me to do things in my own time and don't make me feel guilty for not having added my two cents to the human race.

Thank you.